Hello Henry, seasonal greetings to you!
Knowing you as I do, first questions I have to ask are
a/ do you have a digital camera (I'm assuming still no mobile smart phone that can take pictures)?!
b/ can you then get pictures from your camera (or from images e-mailed to you) onto your computer?
If the answer is 'yes' (at least to the second question) I'm sure we can help. If the answer is 'no', I'm afraid you are still beyond redemption!
Andy